What you should be doing right now: going to home depot

Now is the time to get your ass to the hardware store and stock up on boards and long nails. Boards and nails are crucial for properly barricading yourself in your home provided you have not secured a zombie fortress beforehand. You don't want to be breaking apart furniture to try to cover those windows. At the risk of sounding like the Dept of homeland security following the anthrax attacks, duct tape is a good things to have around in mass.
Just a note: things with wheels do not make good barricades. I watched Day of the Dead (2008) the other day, and I felt this point was important to make.

AAA Member Discounts

I am the proud holder of a AAA membership (thanks to my mom). For $52 a year, I have the distinct pleasure of waiting on hold for 45 minutes while my car is stuck in 3 feet of snow on my front lawn, only to get disconnected before reaching a human being.
BUT, as I previously knew, but only now felt the need to research, there are other benefits to being a AAA member.

Firstly and most importantly: 10% off at Dunkin Doughnuts. I know this because they openly advertise the discount in the drive thru and at the counter. This is as of yet, the only place I've used my AAA membership....that includes car related issues as well. So far I have saved 60cents on a muffin and orange juice. Score.

So after an epiphany that I could probably save a lot of money, I decided to research other ways to save more pennies.

Disclaimer: these discounts apply to AAA of Western and Central NY.

Wow, right off the bat I see that I could save 20% off Best Buy "services". Looks like that means Geek Squad services. But as a person who spent nearly $700 at Best Buy last week, and frequently breaks electronics, I could see how this is a good thing to keep in mind.

Hmm. Seems there's some kind of mystery discount that applies to the entire Carousel Mall, could be interesting trying to get them to honor that.

Below are listed the discounts I find the least bit likely to be useful:
10% off at Payless Shoes
15% off at NY&Co
10% off at Target.com
$1.00 off at Cold Stone

Barnes and Nobles has some convoluted discount structure.

I don't really understand how all this works, other than people must never take advantage of this. From now on, I'm going hog wild. Oh yeah, I'll keep track of how much I manage to save.

Do Not be in Jail in 2012

Avoid being incarcerated when the zombie apocalypses comes. You're basically fucked if this is the case, because they will leave your ass in there

Would you survive?

Found a quiz online, it's humorous. Bored? Time to kill? Check it out here.

What you should be doing right now

The year 2012 is quickly approaching. If you haven't started active preparation yet, now is the time. What should I be doing this far in advance? you ask yourself. Well, here's the first steps:
1.) Scout out a stronghold. Your zombie fortress should be durable and windowless. Other zombie reference manuals cover what type of fortress you should be seeking, so I will leave that research for you to do on your own.
2.) Go to the gym. No, Seriously. Regular exercise now will build your strength and endurance. Granted this is a little more important if we are talking about fast zombies, rather than slow zombies. But regardless, go to the gym just in case.

Now finally...some Zombie Preparation

Apart from the fact that the title of this blog denotes zombie apocalypse preparation, I have talked very little about that very subject. In fact, I believe this very important topic has been significantly lacking from the discussion of issues here. So without further a due, I present to you some measures to take immediately to ensure your safety, and some thought provoking questions you should be considering in the days to come before the year 2012. Never forget, your input here is welcome, we will never be able to survive the walking undead without using teamwork.

Firstly, it is very important to stock up on non-perishables. I am hereby declaring Chili as the official canned food of the zombie apocalypse. You don’t want to get stuck eating ramen noodles. You will be slowed down by all the sodium; the undead will surely get you. My personal favorite is Hormel’s vegetarian chili. Just because the dead are walking and wish nothing more than to eat our brains, does not mean I have to eat meat. This is why proper preparation is important. I don’t want to worry about weaning myself back onto eating meat when my major concern should be ammo conservation and stronghold fortification.

Now, I’ve noticed lately the cost of this good rising, it’s about $1.70 a can in the grocery store now. This may seem a little frivolous… but remember; you are investing in your future. Chili is the perfect survival food. It’s packed with protein, doesn’t require much more than a simple fire to heat and it’s delicious. Additionally, the Hormel brand now comes in pop-top cans, so you aren’t SOL when your can opener breaks, or is confiscated by some zombies. If anyone knows a way I can buy this “canned entrée” in bulk, I would be very interested. I’ve already tried their website, no help there.

Now, I’m not a big fan of guns at all. But they are completely necessary in nearly any apocalypse scenario. You’re going to want to stockpile guns. All types of guns. And this takes some planning as well. Some things to consider:

1. Guns are expensive; you are going to want to budget yourself. Buy quality firearms, because they are going to get a lot of use.
2. Guns may take time to procure. In this state it is pretty easy to buy a shotgun. But handguns take some planning; you need permits and licensing. You are going to want to have both shotguns and handguns. Maybe even other kinds of guns if you know a lot about guns, I do not.
3. In addition to stockpiling guns, you need to think about stockpiling ammunition. Ammo is cheap; you shouldn’t have a hard time with this one. Simple math will tell you how many bullets you need. Just imagine how many bullets you need given the worst case scenario: every other human is a zombie. Don’t forget to take into consideration your shooting accuracy, and give yourself an extra 10% on top of all that for safety.
4. My friend Brian reminds me of an important element of gun-related preparation; you need to be able to clean the guns. Have cleaning materials for your guns ready, and learn to use them.

In fact, I’m going to go out right now and start learning about gun maintenance.

How to spend $160 a day on your hair

It seemed a little ridiculous for John Edward's to get a $400 haircut or two, but Sarah Palin is really taking the cake on this one. I got curious today after finding this photo series on Digg. She's clearly got a stylist, but it's not publicly known who's putting her in those classy outfits on the campaign trail. I'll admit it; Sarah Palin looks pretty classy most of the time. Turns out that's because the campaign has spent $150,000 on her wardrobe and hair in the past 3 months. Politico broke the story today. I also found this link with a really classy picture of what she looked like before she was named the republican vp nominee.
Turns out the stylist is Gahl Hodges Burt, who had something to do with Nancy Regan in the 80's, and tells Cindy McCain what to wear, too.
Fark: She's got a Facebook.